life | seeking querencia

I initially heard Wynona (Judd) sing this beautiful, inspiring and uplifting song on an episode of “Army Wives.” Although the episode and the song were intended to address issues of domestic abuse in the military and in general, it is obvious to me that the song and its message have universal appeal. Life is difficult, for some, more often than not. This song serves as a reminder that nothing and no one can harm your true self. In spite of every difficulty, you will be–stronger, wiser and far better for standing up to and facing those challenges.

I Will Be, by Wynona

Been caught in a downpour of a rain of stones

Felt like an exile in the world I had known

So I sought the shelter of my own soul

And stayed inside

I found no comfort in placing blame

I saw the hope that lay just beyond the pain

The past is a prison and I won’t wear those chains

And I won’t hide, oh no

I will be here

I will be strong

I’ll face my fears

When the night is long

And still go on

I will be brave

I will be bold

Follow my faith

To a higher road

And I’m not there yet

But I will be

I could choose to keep my feet upon the beaten path

Never cross the open field for the one snake in the grass

But I’d rather risk my heart then never get the chance

To find my way, to find my way

I will be here

I will be strong

I’ll face my fears

When the night is long

And still go on

I will be brave

I will be bold

Follow my faith

To a higher road

And I’m not there yet

But I will be

Warmest Blessings, lydia

I claim no owner or authorship over the above lyrics or song. To my knowledge, they are the property of Ms. Wynona Judd.

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A couple of nights ago, I was skimming through my past journal entries. I find they provide me a concrete reminder of my past thoughts, challenges, and growth over the preceding years. I usually read them with an eye towards the growth that I’ve made over the years and to glean the areas in which I need to concentrate to further my, especially, spiritual growth. Because of the events discussed after the jump, my mind settled not on the area of growth but on the fragility of life and the many things that I wished to accomplish and learn before I left this world.

After a long period of zero energy, May 2010, brought me a most welcomed gift–an upward shift in my energy level. So, it was with gusto that I took out the camera and how-to books to teach myself photography. I also fired up the Rosetta Stone Spanish computer program to finally learn the language at the level of fluency, as I’ve always intended. Further, I even created a website of my own at flavors.me. I was on a roll.

May, 28, 2010

…To another, this day may have been viewed as most unremarkable, and in fact scarcely memorable. As I love to tell everyone who will listen, I am not like everyone else, and to me, this day is notable and will be remembered because instead of letting life pass me by, I joined in my life–with a gusto. For the past 2-3 weeks, I’ve accomplished tasks that had gone undone, some as long as a year, but most for 3-6 months. It is irrelevant that I have been physically unable to do them, because for now the sense of accomplishment is palpable and makes me yearn for more.

June 1, 2010

Good morning sunshine. Positive thinking is queen and I have to drop kick the negative out and welcome the positive in. I realize that I have a choice, succumb to the negative or embrace the positive where healing can and will happen. Much like Michelangelo’s belief that “every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it,” I believe that there is a healthier “me” waiting to be set free….God look down on me and protect me tonight.

He did. I am still here.

On June 2, 2010, my doctor sent me to the emergency room because of increased difficulty in breathing and pains in my chest. I figured maybe pneumonia; in reality, I was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism in each lung.http://goo.gl/Ruse. Yep, just like that, my world changed.

I am back to pre-May energy levels, that is, not much. Yet, I find that I am learning more then ever. For starters, since the embolism, I started this blog–something that I’ve longed to do. In fact, my “things to do” list has grown exponentially since June 2nd, and in spite of a lack of energy, I whittle away at it almost every day. As Michelangelo so aptly put it, “I am still learning,” and that means that I am still very much alive. Blessings and love,