The Missing Pieces

Pieces of a puzzle

Pieces of a puzzle (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond. ~Rumi

For some time now, I haven’t posted regularly to this blog. It is not that I’ve lost interest in it. In fact, I realize that I need it more than ever, but I’ll get back to that later. Anyway, for months, my head has been stuffed with so many complex thoughts that it has been impossible to separate the wheat from the chafe. If I am to be honest, more often than not, my thoughts are not happy, happy thoughts, but those that I like to pretend don’t exist.

I mean, who wants to admit that, more often than not, their head bombarded with negative self-talk. Who wants to acknowledge that they are oftentimes overwhelmed with sadness and depressing thoughts that they can’t seem to shake. More importantly, I convinced myself that no one wanted to read about my particular bouts with my own ‘darkness of the soul.’ No, that would certainly fall into the category of t.m.i. (too much information).

Granted, this is a personal journey blog. With that said, it touches upon the inevitable thoughts, feelings and challenges that I experience on my journey towards self-discovery, mindfulness, and inner awareness. I created this blog, not to sell or market any product or service. I did not create it with the intention of attracting scores of readers; although I welcome and treasure each person who happens by. I created it as a forum upon which I could be a witness to my thoughts, feelings and impressions, and where I could confront my ego self and come to know my real self. In other words and without the woo-woo words and phrases, I wanted to tell my story, and more importantly, uncover my truths and expose the lies that I tell myself.

The thing is that I’ve come to realize is that from the beginning, I’ve censored my story. Except in passing, I choose not to write about fibromyalgia and the way it has a firm grip on me and every facet of my life. I didn’t write about the feelings arising from the loss of a hard-fought for career as an attorney, and the resulting loss of self-esteem. I didn’t write about the effect of constant pain on the body. I didn’t write about my loss of independence, which having grown up poor, was essential to me. I didn’t write about the irony of the yearned for ‘clean slate’ at the very time that my health prevents me from acting upon it. I didn’t write about the grief that etched itself into my being, and I certainly didn’t write about the depression that sometimes overwhelms me and brings with it a blanket of loneliness, darkness and at times, hopelessness. I’ve created a blog that embraces the positive, while denying the more difficult and undesirable truths about myself.

Yet, these missing pieces are, like those of a puzzle, integral to my story, to who I am and to who I am meant to be. Without exploring and integrating them, my story is incomplete and in some cases, prone to inaccurate conclusions. Without experiencing life’s lows, we cannot fully appreciate its’ highs. Similarly, to know and appreciate the light, it is necessary to welcome the darkness. I intend to begin doing just that.

I’ve learned that blogging, like journaling, is an invaluable tool that allows me to piece together things about myself that were previously unnoticed. In my case, I writing has always given me the opportunity to be open and honest about my thoughts and feelings, while, at the same time, forcing me to acknowledge and accept them in a new and different way.  It is through writing that I’ve uncovered valuable details about, for instance, why I believe and do the things that I do.

Granted, I am not turning this blog into a litany of ‘poor me’ posts. Instead, I will strive for balance, and as Rumi writes, I will meet the darkness, depression and other negative thoughts, and invite them in. Yet, I can assure you that I won’t be laughing as they waltz on in. Instead, I will begin with a grudging respect, for they are an undeniable part of who I am. 

Blessings, Lydia

Still On A Daring Adventure


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Recently, I took an e-course, Daring Adventures in Paint and Life, given by the artist, Mati Rose McDonough. Although I’ve always had an interest in painting, before taking the class, I’d never acted on it. I believed that I was not creative enough to create art, to paint. I regret to say that the class has ended, but I am happy to report that the painting has not. The above painting is my most recent piece.

I’ve come to enjoy the process that goes into creating a piece of art, from my choice of colors, to the techniques and tools that I choose for the painting. Most importantly, however, I’ve discovered a joy and happiness that I desperately needed. Taking the painting e-course has morphed into one of the best gifts that I’ve given myself in years. Doing so, honored an inner desire that until then, went unheeded. The lesson that I’ve taken from the experience is that it is crucial to acknowledge those unmet needs, as they represent welcome detours on my journey. My life is far richer for those experiences.

How about you? Are there any unmet desires that you’ve ignored? What are they? What is keeping you from responding to them? Is there any time like the present?

If need be, take it one step at a time. The first step is to express your intention to act upon the desire. I find that writing the intention simply and clearly in my journal adds a level of commitment. Next, decide how you will go about achieving the desire. Do your research, so that you are armed with your various options. Do not dismiss the magic of fate, and the present moment. (In my case, until a woman from whom I’d taken an earlier e-course, posted a Facebook recommendation, I knew nothing about Mati and her e-course. I immediately went to the enclosed link, and acting on the urgings from my heart, I registered for the course. In all, it took less than five minutes to accept the challenge. I was surprised by my rashness, as well as excited about the new upcoming adventure.) The final step is the most important one. Chose the option that speaks to you and just do it! I promise you will not regret the decision.

Blessings, Lydia

Quote Tuesday

An L.A. Church

About commitment:

“Unless one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative [or creation] there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, the providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one that would otherwise never have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man would have believed would come his way.” ~W.H. Murray, “The Scottish Himalayan Expedition

Blessings, Lydia

Sunday Scribblings

Yay! This is my 201st blog post–so significant for me. I created this personal blog as a forum for writing, and sharing my thoughts, observations and feelings, as I journey to discover my true self. It serves its’ purpose.

I am new to the blog  “Sunday Scribblings.” (I am here because Susannah Conway recommended  it to us in her “Blogging From The Heart” e-course.) The prompt serves as “inspiration and motivation for anyone who enjoys writing and would like a weekly challenge.” It is directed to seasoned  writers and those, like me, who wish to write.

Each week, they post a one(?) word prompt, which the participants must use  in a story, poem or the like.  I am desperately seeking to hone my writing skills, as well as to unearth my buried creativity. With that in mind, I’ve penned my second, first here, ever haiku using the prompt “luscious.” Here goes:

The Kiss

his lips tantalize.
so full. so pink. come hither.
joined. hmm. luscious.

Blessings, Lydia