My oldest daughter, as an actress and mother, is photographed all the time. I mean, her husband is a photographer. She does not take after her mother in that regard. No, for me, it is the opposite. Whereas she is comfortable in front of the camera, I am not. The fact is that I run like the wind when a camera comes near. It is the very rare photo of me that I like.
As I read my dear friend Anita’s blog, Here In The Midst Of It, she discussed The 52 project. You can read about it here. In brief, the project is about mothers, realizing that life is fleeting and their little ones grow up much too fast, documenting one moment a week in their child’s life through photo and posting it on their blog. There are some mechanics involved but that it not really the point. Having 3 grown children, I can attest to the ‘now you see them,’ ‘now you don’t’ quality of childhood and wish that this project was around back then. Now I have 6 1/4 grandchildren, but with busy schedules and such, I can’t guarantee that I can shoot a photo a week. So, if I am unable to shoot a photo of one of them, I will do like Anita and take a photo of myself.
I view this as a perfect opportunity to confront my fears and learn to be comfortable in front of the camera, or at least to tolerate it. In all honesty, there is also an aspect of disliking the way that I look and not wishing it to see it memorialized for anyone to see. Posting a photo of myself is a way of thumbing my nose at fear and becoming comfortable with me — just as I am. It was not easy taking this first photo, but I got through it and one week at a time, I hope to become more and more comfortable at it. One day soon, I hope to meet myself in the mirror and say, “Hey, beautiful, I know you and you are enough.”
All Will Be Well ~St. Julian of Norwich