Happy Birthday to My First Love

birthday cakeImage by freakgirl via Flickr
Today is a special day in our house.  Seventy-one years ago, my mother, C., was born to Curry and Inez in New Orleans, Louisiana.  For all intents and purposes, she was raised by her grandmother, Irma, and spent time with her father. She was a happy child with numerous cousins to play and hang around with.


When she was a mere 18 years of age, she married. I was the first born child to C. and J., five days before Christmas in New Orleans. I was their first born of three girls.  My mother is an amazing woman who single-handedly raised me and my 3 siblings, when my dad made the poor choice to leave our family–on my 5th birthday.  Although I didn’t realize it for decades, this incident had a huge influence on my life and the person that I was to become.

After my father left our family, we had to move in with my great-grandmother. My mother, a very beautiful woman, who married young and never had the opportunity to attend college, had few job prospects. She had three children to care for so she soon accepted a job as a cook for the New Orleans Catholic Archdiocese, where she remained for over 40 years. Although we were poor, my mom always worked 2-3 jobs to make sure that we had food on the table and clean clothes to wear. Although she could have easily qualified, she steadfastly refused to apply for or receive any type of government aid. (The exception was the free lunch program that we had to apply for through the schools and were automatically accepted.) She is a proud woman and remains so to this day.

Her life has not been easy. She has seen a sister taken from her by violent means, her mother by a drunk driver, her beloved grandmother by cancer, her son by congestive heart failure following an earlier diagnosis of non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma at the age of 23, and numerous other losses that she has handled with grace. Most recently, Hurricane Katrina, as well as health issues, made it impossible for my mom to return to the only home that she has ever known, the only one that she ever cared to know–New Orleans. Yet, in spite of all of this, she has never lost hope or faith.

My mother came to live with my husband and me because of serious health issues, but I think that I have gained much more from her presence. It is the first time that we have lived under the same roof since I left home the Summer after I graduated high school. I can’t say that I left on great terms, and I certainly did not understand her and what it meant to be a parent; especially, a single parent of four. The passage of time and parenthood have mellowed me and I think that I can say, made me wiser. With that, our relationship has been transformed. It has matured into something that I never thought possible, a friendship, and a close one at that. My mom is my confidant, (okay, there are limits.) friend, and at times, just my mother. For the first time ever, I think that I can say with certainty that, I get my mom and she gets me. Even ten years ago, I never thought that I’d utter those words. I know that I am blessed to still have my mother with me and that is why I couldn’t let this day go by without saying “HAPPY 71st BIRTHDAY” to the very first love of my life, my Mom. 

Blessings to you,



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Her Best Birthday Ever

Mythic Minnie MouseImage by Peter E. Lee via Flickr
Dai kept repeating, “This is my best birthday party ever.” Now, you have to understand that she is 4 years old and that there were exactly eleven people at this “party,” Still it was her “best birthday party ever.” The joy on her face said it all. A fun time was had by all and for the guest of honor, well, she taught me a little lesson.

Before hand, I was anxious that due to my illness, my house wasn’t as clean as I’d like and that I didn’t have the energy to throw a proper party for a 4 year old. I was worried that everything wouldn’t be just right and the party would be a disaster. I wanted Dai to have a fun and memorable day. As usual, I over did it, worrying about insignificant details that mattered to no one but me. In the end, everything wasn’t just right (Is it ever?) and guess how many people noticed.  NO ONE. All of my stressing and worrying succeeded only in increasing my pain level. 

Dai cared only about the plastic Minnie mouse tablecloth, plastic birthday banner, balloons, the accompanying paper accessories, pinata, blowing out candles on her cake and of course presents. The rest, it simply did not matter–at all. I should follow her lead, and let go of all that does not matter. I’ll never again have the energy of a 4 year old, but I’d love to once again see beauty in the simple things in life again. What a gift that would be!

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