defeating fear | seeking querencia

Yet to be named. #bloomtrue

At the beginning of 2013, I vowed to stop putting off things that I’ve always wanted to do. Along with many other goals, learning to paint and draw were high on my list. Ever since I could remember, I looked with envy upon those who were artistic. My youngest daughter has drawn since she was knee high to a grasshopper and I longed to do the same. Yet, because of an incident that happened when I was a child, I’d convinced myself that I was not creative; thus, I couldn’t possibly draw or paint.

Unlike many past New Year’s resolutions that ultimately fall to the wayside, I began to seek out ways to be creative, and particularly, to draw and paint. It was not feasible for me to take actual in-person classes, so I went online. To my surprise, I discovered scores of artists who taught painting, mixed media and drawing through online e-courses. Frankly, I was skeptical of the idea of an e-course that might effectively teach these skills. I finally realized that my hesitation had less to do with skepticism and more to do with fear, and I threw caution to the wind and registered for my first painting course. From the beginning, I was hooked.

I am happy to say that I’ve taken three courses this year and am already registered for 2 year long courses in 2014. The above painting is from my most recent course with the amazing artist Flora Bowley. The course was a life changer and cemented my love for painting and the whole painting process. Although the course has ended, I have six months to wade through the course materials and lessons, and the painting continues.

In addition, now, I can say with confidence that I can draw. I stumbled upon Jane Davenport’s “Draw Happy” class and within a week, let go of the foolish notion that “I can’t draw.” It took about a week of mistakes and wearing down an eraser, but with Jane’s detailed and clear instructions, I drew/painted/collaged this beauty:

Whimsical Faces 2

I love her! Granted, I am still trying to draw one to rival her, but I have no doubts that it will happen. I know that with practice and hard work, I can draw. Currently, I am registered in three of Jane’s e-courses, and I just added another drawing e-course, Fabulous Faces, to my line up. The course is taught by the artist Tamara Laporte.

Usually, by this time of the year, I find myself ruminating upon all of the things that I intended to do in the past year, but didn’t. It is true that I fell short of many of my 2013 to-do’s, but I’ve decided that instead of dwelling on the negatives, I will focus my attention on my accomplishments. I mean, I finally let go of my inner fears and negative self-talk and proved to myself that I can do whatever I chose, be it painting or drawing. I’ve come to understand that there are no limits on what I can achieve, except those that I place on myself. Learning the art of photography and becoming fluent in Spanish are next on my wish list, and I look forward to 2014 with excitement instead of trepidation. By this time next year, I intend to say with confidence, “Yo hablo español.”

Blessings, Lydia

I suppose that “quote” is really inappropriate for today’s post. In actuality, it is a passage from “The Pocket Pema Chödrön,” which contains excerpts from the various books that Pema Chödrön has written. This particular passage is titled “How to Defeat Fear,” and it struck a chord with me, largely because fear has been a constant companion since childhood. It bears noting that fear is a useful and necessary emotion that, among other things, protects us. Without fear, in the face of clear and present danger, our innate ‘fight or flight’ response would not be triggered and we would fall prey to any number of dangers. This is not the type of fear referred to in this passage.

The passage refers to those fears that prevent us from taking risks in our lives and from living life to its fullest. These fears cause us to act against our own self-interest, and as a result, if not defeated, deprive us of reaching, or even knowing, our full potential. Fear is risk adverse, and commands that we wait until the time is right, which in most cases, never comes. From personal experience, I know that fear has, and in some cases, still does, control my actions. On the other hand, there are countless obstacles that I’ve faced and overcome, in spite of fear’s taunt that “I’d fail.” I believe that defeating all my fears will be a lifetime endeavor and that this passage provides me some insight into achieving that goal. Perhaps, it will help you too.

Blessings, lydia

How to Defeat Fear

Once there was a young warrior. Her teacher told her that she had to do her battle with fear. She didn’t want to do that. It seemed too aggressive; it was scary; it seemed unfriendly. But the teacher said she had to do it and she gave her the instructions for the battle. The day arrived. The student warrior stood on one side, and fear stood on the other. The warrior was feeling very small, and fear was looking big and wrathful. They both had their weapons. The young warrior roused herself and went toward fear, prostrated three times, and asked, “May I have permission to go into battle with you?” Fear said, “Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission.” Then the young warrior said, “How can I defeat you?” Fear replied, “My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power.” In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat her fear. ~“The Pocket Pema Chödrön,” Shambhala Publications