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Acceptance

When will I learn that I can’t ignore it. It is always at the ready, prepared to take the upper hand,  to barge in, and interfere with my life. It has no regard for what I am doing, whether I’m having the best day in a long while, none of that matters. No, it will have its way no matter what, and I can only watch and wait until it takes its hold. This intruder is that symptom of fibromyalgia–fibro fog. 

For the past couple of weeks, I have been engulfed in “fibro fog.” Fibro fog can best be described as a variety of cognitive impairments. At least in my case, fibro fog always exists, but lurks in the background.  Then there are times, such as these, when it makes its presence known in a big way. During these times, I have difficulty finding the right words to express myself, I lose things, I forget what I am saying in the middle of a conversation, I cannot remember where I put something that I had even five minutes before (I have literally hidden Xmas gifts, forgotten that I even hid them until months later, when I happen upon the gift.) I forget how to spell words that otherwise are a breeze for me, I see one word and read it as another similar word (e.g., “town” becomes “torn”), I easily forget what I am doing, like last week when I flooded the bathroom because I forgot that I started a bath, and I could go on. Suffice it to say that these periods cause frustration, stress and more.  Things that I love doing, like this blog, take a back seat to fighting the latest onslaught.

As always, this too shall pass, and the fibro fog will retreat to the background, to its place as a mere annoyance. Until then, I have the perfect opportunity to practice patience, which is a virtue that I do not possess in abundance. I’ve have learned one thing from this though. I keep trying to avoid discussions of fibromyalgia on this blog because I think, “this is a blog about me and my journey and not fibromyalgia.” Well, news flash!  Fibromyalgia IS a part of my journey and denying it only delays  acceptance of that fact. It is time that I accept it.  For now, at least, fibromyalgia, and all its symptoms and the madness it causes are very real and a part of me. Yes, whether I want it or not, it has a place here.

If you want to learn more about fibromyalgia go here.

Blessings, love and peace, lydia


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